This is my forecast today! I am feeling like life is a bit cloudy lately! I am struggling today!! I have been keeping a lot of my feelings and emotions to myself because I have decided that people don't want to hear them. But, I read a blog tonight, and what she wrote gave me courage to write myself (adailyscoop.blogspot.com). I have been consumed with thoughts about why we haven't been able to conceive another child! It has been 17 months now since we started trying, and it's just not happening. I tried clomid for 2 months, but the side effects were too much for me. I wake up in the morning to pee on an ovulation stick during a 10 day window following my cycle, and so far...nothing! Every month I am hopeful, but every month my hopes are dashed! What is wrong with my body?! Why can't I get pregnant?! Ugh!! It has been difficult to sit by while other people lap me! I have friends/family who have children younger than Madison who have already had another child, (and I mean no offense to those friends/family that fit in this category). I am happy for my friends and family, but it has just been difficult, ya know?!! I don't want you all to think that I am ungrateful for all my blessings. I have a great life! I have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, and a great family. But my heart breaks for Madison. She wants a sibling so bad, and we haven't been able to give that to her. She prays that I will get pregnant all the time. The other night after her prayer I explained that I might not be able to have another baby, she looked at me and said, "I know mama, but you can try!" She is so sweet, and her faith is strong. Why can't I be as faithful as her?! I hope we can be blessed with the opportunity to give her a brother or a sister someday! I guess I just need to have faith. I gotta tell you though, this is getting harder and harder! I know Satan is taking full advantage of this opportunity to discourage me even further. I think I let him win today! I just keep praying that I won't allow him to win everyday, regardless of the turnout!
