Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Cloudy with a chance of tears!
This is my forecast today! I am feeling like life is a bit cloudy lately! I am struggling today!! I have been keeping a lot of my feelings and emotions to myself because I have decided that people don't want to hear them. But, I read a blog tonight, and what she wrote gave me courage to write myself (adailyscoop.blogspot.com). I have been consumed with thoughts about why we haven't been able to conceive another child! It has been 17 months now since we started trying, and it's just not happening. I tried clomid for 2 months, but the side effects were too much for me. I wake up in the morning to pee on an ovulation stick during a 10 day window following my cycle, and so far...nothing! Every month I am hopeful, but every month my hopes are dashed! What is wrong with my body?! Why can't I get pregnant?! Ugh!! It has been difficult to sit by while other people lap me! I have friends/family who have children younger than Madison who have already had another child, (and I mean no offense to those friends/family that fit in this category). I am happy for my friends and family, but it has just been difficult, ya know?!! I don't want you all to think that I am ungrateful for all my blessings. I have a great life! I have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, and a great family. But my heart breaks for Madison. She wants a sibling so bad, and we haven't been able to give that to her. She prays that I will get pregnant all the time. The other night after her prayer I explained that I might not be able to have another baby, she looked at me and said, "I know mama, but you can try!" She is so sweet, and her faith is strong. Why can't I be as faithful as her?! I hope we can be blessed with the opportunity to give her a brother or a sister someday! I guess I just need to have faith. I gotta tell you though, this is getting harder and harder! I know Satan is taking full advantage of this opportunity to discourage me even further. I think I let him win today! I just keep praying that I won't allow him to win everyday, regardless of the turnout!
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24 comments:
Hang in there.
Oh Nicole! I'm soooooo sorry for your trial! I can only imagine how hard it is to go through that..... just remember the Lord is there for you and loves you so much! He is there to help you through this. He won't take our trials away but he will make our trials lighter.... I PRAY you will get pregnant soon and find the peace you so deserve! I am here for you if you ever need a listening ear! I love you so much!
Email me if you feel like chatting! schmoe21@gmail.com.... I would love to hear from you!
Nicole,
You make me want to cry. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I can't imagine how frustrating and disappointing it must be. Just know that you are loved and you have friends and family that are there to support you. We will keep you guys in our prayers. Love ya,
Sarah
Nicole - I just keep thinking... always be grateful for the daughter He gave you, and give the rest to Him. When I was going through those tough years (5 1/2 to be exact), I had to surrender what I wanted for what HE wanted for me. I know if I had had kids in my 20's versus in my 30's, I wouldn't have been as ready, and I don't think I would have been as good of a mom. Heavenly Father knows us so well... you have to trust Him. If it is not meant for you to have another baby, you have to be OK with that and know that it is His will. Heavenly Father is never wrong, and He will never lead you astray. Trust in Him and thank Him for Madison. Stay strong. Find joy in life and family. Stay busy and serve others. The more you focus on yourself, the more "selfish" and depressed you could become (I know this from experience). You are an awesome person, a great wife, and a wonderful mother. Give all your love to your husband and daughter, and keep glorifying God even when you're upset. You WILL be blessed because of it. XOXO
Everyone deserves a day of tears once in awhile! Hang in there-you are an amazing person!
I hear you about Satan and discouragement!It IS hard to have faith. It's also okay to feel sad and vent, but I know you won't let him win everyday.
You can do it. I'll be thinking about you.
You are the best and it is okay to be depressed and feel the emotions that you're feeling. It's when we bottle them up and try to pretend they're not there that they start really affecting us. You helped me through some hard trials in my life, and I'm here to help you during yours. Please call me or stop by to hang soon. My number is 702-325-6366. I love you and am thinking about you!!!
Love,
Andrea
You are the best and it is okay to be depressed and feel the emotions that you're feeling. It's when we bottle them up and try to pretend they're not there that they start really affecting us. You helped me through some hard trials in my life, and I'm here to help you during yours. Please call me or stop by to hang soon. My number is 702-325-6366. I love you and am thinking about you!!!
Love,
Andrea
Nicole, I can't imagine what you are going through, but I will pray for you. Hang in there. Love you!
Alicia
Oh Nicole! My heart goes out to you. I have a friend who has struggled for a long time in getting pregnant so I know how painful it is. Good for you for venting your feelings out loud...that takes courage. And we are now thinking about you and praying for you! Hang in there.
I have been there - I know how hard it can be. I'm so sorry for you :( Stay positive. We will be thinking of you.
Im so sorry, You know I feel your pain. It will happen though. It will for sure!!! Youre awesome!
So sorry to hear you're going through this trial. I was preparing my lesson last month and stumbled across an amazing quote. I don't have it here with me, but it basically states how we've been told that every hair on our head will be counted and how if something as "trivial" as hair is important to the Lord, just imagine how important the timing of our families are. I have no idea why it took Rhett and I 5 years to get pregnant, but I know that there is a reason and that our family will be better and stronger for the additional 5 years of experiences we've had together. The tough part for me was trying to figure out how much to rely on the Lord and how much I needed to do myself. Yes, it's all in his timing. But He also expects us to "do" something about it. I'll keep you guys in my prayers. Call me if you need to chat/vent/cry.
Yes, I feel your pain. I have had to surrender my dreams to the reality of what life has in store for me, too. It is not easy. It is hard. It sucks. I think that sometimes it is a comfort to feel completely broken down, because there isn't that much farther to fall. It is not an easy cross to bear. I know that this doesn't bring much comfort, but turn your hourglass over... there is still time.
Nicole you have handled this trial so well and I pray for you everyday. You are an amazing person! Love you lots!
Thank you everyone for you sweet comments! I am going to try my hardest to keep my head held high. It was nice of you all to take the time to write words of encouragement, love, and support to me! I love you all!
-Nicole
You do have great faith!I admire you and think you are wonderful. It is so hard to understand the Lord's plan for us, but he does know and hear your prayers.
Love ya Nicole.
Nicole- you know I feel your pain. I too keep it bottled in ALL of the time. I could totally cut and paste most of this and it'd be exactly how I feel too. I've just never been the type to talk about how I really feel; so props to you for posting this. My good friend in Colorado who's been trying to get pregnant for the past year just found out she is now pregnant and called to tell me yesterday. Yet another person "lapping" me as you say. Sadly, I have no words of encouragement but you have a sister that completely understands. I'm now older than you were when you had Madison and am wondering when it'll happen for me too...
K, I'm working right now Mondays-Thursdays from 7 am - 4 pm, nut REALLY want to do go to lunch or dinner with you and maybe Caroline and Mindy. Like a Girls' Night Out. Or just you and I could go too. Whatever you want. I want to hang out with you! I miss you!!!! So, let me know. I probably can't go until I get paid, which won't be for about 2 weeks, but then I could go. I can't wait to hang out!!! My cell is 702-325-6366.
Love ya!!!
Andrea
Nicole- my husband and I will be praying and fasting for you from now on! I hope that you will see results soon from all the prayers! I want Madison to have a sibling, too!
You are so sweet! It is funny that I wrote an emotional post the same day as you. I went back and read the post you were talking about on adailyscoop.blogspot.com and I loved how she expressed that feeling. It is hard to know what and how to share our innermost feelings and struggles. I just figure if your intentions are good - don't fear. Even if no one understands it helps to express ourselves. You are a great example and a great mom and I'll be praying for your family too!
thanks for your sweet comments on my blog :)
i wish i could give hayley a sibling. she bugs me about it ALL the time. but i kinda need a husband to make that happen. well, at least the 2nd time around, that's how i want it to be. haha.
you are such a great mom and i kinow it must be so hard to grasp and understand why things aren't happening the way you would like. but all i can say is that there must be a reason. at least that is what i tell myself when i get discouraged about still being single at 32. there must be a pretty dang good reason. heck, there BETTER be a good reason. haha.
all joking aside, your pain is very real to you and i can't imagine what you must be going through because our trials are all unique to each person. you are a strong woman and i know heavenly father loves you, even though you may feel he doesnt at times. i feel that way a lot. but i think its good for us to express the way we feel so that we can allow others to help us and for others to reach out to you and give words of comfort. and to know that we really arent alone. that god works through his children if we allow him to.
i love you girl! hang in there!
I honestly am not sure how I found your blog, but I did and wanted to let you know what helped my husband and I out with our infertility battle. We tried for a year and were on clomid with no luck, then after speaking with a fertility specialist, he recommended we try Femara. I told my doc about it and he said we could give a shot and it worked the first month. I had to do it again with my next son and it worked the 2nd month. Then we just used it again this past month and it worked the first time, so we are now expecting our 3rd child. I would mention it to your doctor and see what they think, I completely understand what you are going through and will keep you in my prayers.
If you have any questions, lyshhh21@hotmail.com
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